Liquor Excursion
by Mayoyo
Summary: Just a silly parody about one episode where Sanzo-tachi were in a sake competition, 'cept that their opponents are Kougaiji and gang! Who will win??


Author: babyg @ babygxpress

Disclaimer: Saiyuki does not belong to me and I do not claim it is so either.... 

**Liquor Excursion**

The jeep was on its way towards the west again, this time going through a forest.

"Sanzo....I'm getting hungry," Goku whined (_I'm getting tired of his whinings!_)

"Idiot, you just ate breakfast, " Gojou knocked him on the head.

"Waaht! That was HOURS ago! The jeep's bumpin and the uneven road's making me hungry. Sanzooo...." 

"Go eat grass."

"But grass doesn't taste nice! I prefer paus, noodles, eggs, mantou...." Goku saliva dripped down his chin and his eyes grew bigger and bigger.

A vein appeared on Sanzo's face. *whhack*

"Itai yo, Sanzo!"

Hakkai suddenly braked. The other three were thrown forward (but luckily not out of the car!). 

"What's wrong, Hakkai?" Sanzo asked rubbing his head.

"Seems to me we have company, " Hakkai replied staring straight forward.

A group of monkeys had gathered in the path in front of them.

"Aah, zaru. There're your friends waiting for you to come and play, " Gojou snickered.

"What! I don't know them!"

Hakkai got out of the jeep and rubbed the back of his head, smiling.

"Ano... o-zaru-san, we are kind of in a hurry here...."

The monkeys, as if they understood, bounded away chattering noisily.

"Oh, don't you want to take him with you?" Gojou called out pointing at Goku.

Goku glared at him with his cute chibi eyes, but suddenly turned the other way, sniffing the air.

"Waah, oishii nioi wa, doko da!!" Goku exclaimed. He jumped out of the jeep and smelled his way till he reached a hollow in a tree.

His eyes turned round and shining, "Waah, Food!"

Gojou pushed him away and looked inside the hollow.

"It's not Food, it's delicious LIQUOR!!!!!"

His exclamation made the birds fly out of the trees up in the air.

The jeep rattled on its way again, with Gojou carrying a container. He hugged it, and lovingly said, " What a find! Such nice liquor! How do you think they ended up there?"

Hakkai commented, " Well, o-zaru-san wa, like to take things they have found and keep it in a hollow in trees. This liquor is called monkey liquor."

"Whaa? But I didn't do it!" Goku exclaimed.

"Hehehe, baka, you admitted you're a monkey! Hakkai means real monkeys not you!" Gojou said still hugging the container.

"Che..Hakkai...."

"How shameless, stealing from monkeys," Sanzo remarked.

"Che... don't tell me you don't want to taste it!"

"I don't take things that are stolen."

Now, Sanzo sat behind with Gojou, both of them taking turns to drink the liquor with the container's cover (Forgot what you called 'em). 

"Corrupt monk, I thought you didn't take things that are stolen, " Gojou said, sipping the liquor.

"I'm only taking Gojou's liquor, I'm not the one who stole from monkeys." Sanzo replied.

"Can't I take a little, Sanzo!"

"Urusai! Kids are not allowed to drink."

"But....just a little!"

"No."

Sanzo, with his cup, suddenly remembered what his Master had said.

"Koryu, don't force yourself to take liquor. Only when you are matured will you discover the goodness of liquor. Remember, when the body is immature, the liquor undermines it. When the mind is immature, the liquor undermines it. When you are immature, the liquor undermines you and you'll only find that the liquor tastes bitter. Saa, Kouryu, grow up fast, okay? When you are an adult, lets have a drink together...."

But before I could, Master was.... Sanzo thought back. He didn't notice Goku calling him.

"Nee, Sanzo look!.... Sanzo? Goku sneakily and noiselessly (_yeah right!)_ tried to take the cup of liquor from Sanzo's hand. Just as he reached it, Sanzo awoken from his 'trance' and slapped him with his fan.

"Bakazaru! Don't steal from people!"

"Itai! But I just want to try it a bit !"

"Kids and monkeys can't take it, baka," Gojou in a very good mood said smiling while holding the container.

"But why can't I try it?!"

"'Cos you can't!"

A vein appeared on Sanzo's face.

"Can't you all shut up? Then, I shall do this!"

He snatched the container from Gojou and started gulping the contents down.

"Aah-ahh hoi!" Gojou shouted.

"Naa, Sanzo, save some for me okay?" Hakkai requested from the front.

Hakkai turned the container upside down, but not a drop came out.

"Arr, as I expected, he finished it all. And it smelled so nice that I wanted to try some too." Hakkai sighed. "Kyuuuu!"

"Naa, that doesn't matter! We are in front of a town now! Let's go eat!"

"Ah, hai, and we should get some sake too." Hakkai walked with Sanzo and Gojou while Goku ran up front.

"We all could have got more of that liquor, if this corrupt monk hadn't finished it all." Gojou glared at Sanzo.

"Maa, don't blame it on me."

They arrived in town. 

"Hoi, have you heard? A sake drinking competition is on today!" said a man to another.

"Yeah, and the prize is all the sake you can have for one year!"

"Nani?? Sake...competition???" Gojou's eyes gleamed.

"Don't bother about that, all they're offering are cheap sake for both the competition and the prize." Sanzo walked on.

"A-hoi, Baldie Sanzo!" 

Sanzo clenched his teeth. Why was that so familiar?

"Ha-ah, came for the drinking competition huh, Sanzo?" 

Sanzo turned. He saw Kougaiji and gang standing there looking smug.

"Yahoo, baldie Sanzo, bet you can't drink! Monks can't!" Ririn jumped about teasing him.

"Yeah, complimenting the cheap sake because you're too scared to try?" Kougaiji smirked.

"At least I'm not some youkai who's never tasted liquor before and would probably fall at the slightest sip."

"What did you just tell me, you blondie Sanzo?!"

"I just told you, you red-haired youkai!"

Both of them glared at each other. Then they both walked resolutely to the registration booth.

"Ah misters, wanna join the competition?" a smiling old man held his pen poised.

"Yes, but I want the best liquor for both the competition and the prize!" Kougaiji and Sanzo said together then glared at each other again.

"Masaka, if we did that we'd be bankrupt!"

"Here. I'll pay for this." Sanzo pulled out his Three Buddhas Gold card while Kougaiji held out his *gasp!* Youkai Privileges credit card.

"Nan da? Youkai Privileges?" Sanzo looked at Kougaiji's card.

A vein appeared on Kougaiji's head. "Can't a youkai have a credit card too!"

"Minna-san, the rule is whoever doesn't drop to sleep last is the winner! Ja, the competition will begin NOW!"

"Aah, I'm all ready!" Gojou cracked his knuckles and stared defiantly at Dokugakuji.

"Right back at you." Dokugakuji answered finishing his cup of sake in one gulp.

"Nee, Yaone-san, take it easy, ne?" Hakkai said pouring himself another cup, smiling.

"Hai, Hakkai-san, ganbatte ne." Yaone smiled.

By the side, Ririn and Goku carried huge plates of mantou* waving happily. "Gojou, Sanzo, Hakkai ( Onii-chan, Yaone-chan, Dokugaku), WORK HARD NE!"  
"Kyuuuuu!"

Halfway through the competition....

"Sanzo, Gojou, Hakkai (Onii-chan, Yaone-chan, Dokugaku), GANBARU!" Ririn and Goku waved cheerfully, plates of noodles in each hand, while a mountain of empty plates was slowly building up behind them.

Several hours later, nearly every table's competitors were slumped down. 

"Aah, this is sooo easy!" Gojou leaned back grinning.

"Isn't it? I've not even drunk my fill yet!" Hakkai smiled.

"But we'll have to try harder, whether we want to or not." Sanzo looked over the other table.

Kougaiji and gang stared back.

"Minna-san, the contest will be temporarily suspended so that we can clear up this place!"

Soon, Kougaiji and gang sat at one side of the table, while Sanzo and gang sat on the opposite side.

"Nah, you monk, still on? What a monk!" Kougaiji laughed (_a little dizzily, I might add!_).

Dokugakuji suddenly slumped down on the table.

That's one down, Sanzo thought. He heard snoring. He turned to his right, and there sat Gojou, snoring away!

"Now, we're even aren't Sanzo? You can't win me!Aa-h, you look RED in the face now..."

A vein appeared on Sanzo's face. 

"You can't make fun of me like that! That's enough. Purify.....!" Just as his sutra flew out, Hakkai covered his mouth hastily.

"Aa-ahh...Sanzo, don't do such a harsh thing in front of civilians!" he said, a big sweatdrop appearing.

Sanzo stopped for a moment. Hakkai thought he was getting angry and was about to "Maa, maa" him when.....

"I guess....I'll have to leave the rest to you..."

Hakkai looked shocked for a moment. Sanzo slumped on to the table, two red spots on his face.

"E-eh?" Hakkai laughed nervously. He looked up. "I guess it's between the three of....eeeh?"

Kougaiji was snoring aloud, drool dripping down his chin. Yaone lifting another cup of sake, looked apologetically.

"I guess it's only both of us now, Hakkai-san."

"So desu ne.... let's make it good then, ne?"

"Soo desu."

Ririn and Goku and Hakuryuu! were on the ground lying sleepily against each other, while their tummies bulged out. Mountains of empty plates lay behind them.

"Waah...that was delicious..."

"Yeah... I'm stuffed...."

"Kyu-uu-uu....."

Both Hakkai and Yaone sweatdropped. They continued drinking again.

"Waa, minna-san, the competition is still running after 8 hours! They're Group of the Wandering Youkai and Group of the Monk-on-a-Trip!" Everyone gasped in amazement.

Dawn came early. The atmosphere around was quiet, peaceful. The place where the drinking competition was held was void of people except for one particular table. Gojou woke up yawning.

"What a nice day yesterday was!" He suddenly heard a slight sound. He looked suspiciously across the table and his eyes popped out in amazement.

"Wasai! Yaone, you're STILL drinking?!" He turned to look beside him. The corrupt monk, was, as he thought also knocked out, but....

"HAKKAI! How many have you two drunk?!?!?"

Hakkai smiled, "Aa-h...just..."

"What the hell was that noise about?" Sanzo and Kougaiji rubbed their heads irritably. They suddenly became awake, openmouthed in amazement.

"You actually finished all the bottles of sake!?!"

"Which totaled to about 3,000 bottles??!"

Yaone piped up, still (_still!_) looking fresh. "Ohayoo gozaimasu minna-sama. Actually, Sanzo-san, there were 3, 010 bottles."

"Hai. And we're finishing the last one now. Anyone?" Hakkai held up his cup.

Everyone groaned. Ririn and Goku woke, wondering what was the noise all about.

"Nee, Sanzo, I'm hungry...."

"Onii-chan....breakfast, please??"

Kougaiji and Sanzo looked at (_behind!_) them and their eyes popped out again.

"Moutains of emp-ty platesss AND STILLL HUNGRY??!??????! Bakazaru!!(Ririn!)" 

"Well, minna-san, we really don't mind..." Hakkai started.

"....finishing up the sake....But if you'll excuse us...." Yaone continued, a slight blush coloring her cheeks.

"...We have to call it a day." Hakkai broke off, falling asleep, his chin rested on his hand, an empty cup dropping from the other hand.

"GROOOAAAAAN!!!!!!"

* * *

Glossary

pau, mantou = Chinese buns, usually white in color, usually has fillings in them  
sake = Jap for liquor/beer

oishii nioi wa, doko da - Where's that delicious smell (coming from). _[ I forgot how to translate 'come from'. If anyone knows, please don't hesitate to tell me or correct me!]_

Author's note: Okay, this might seem VERY familiar to those who have watched the anime (I'm not sure bout the manga, though!). I've just watched this episode and thought it was really really funny, and an idea just popped! (Gojou:eh? *pictures a lightbulb popping out of babyg's head*) Not that way, baka! *Hits him with an iron fan* Honestly, this episode just cracked me up! I decided to keep most of the original conversation (I couldn't think of any funnier ones!) and just added in Kougaiji and gang! *smiles proudly* So, what do you think??

*whhack*

babyg: Ittaiii!

Sanzo: Serves you right.

babyg: *starts to complain*

Hakkai & Yaone: babyg-san, thank you for putting us as the main characters this time!

babyg: *sweatdrop* Er...no problem, guys.....

Gojou: Why did you make me faint??! *looks terrifyingly*

babyg: *GULP* I'm outta here, guys!


End file.
